Frustrated

[Chuckerboo]

Ok so let me start off by saying this... FH is wonderful and I love him more than anything, but when it comes to our wedding, I am so beyond frustrated that I don't know whether to cry, scream or just shrug my shoulders and say "whatever".

FH doesn't seem to want to be part of ANY of the decision making. I ask him to come to view venues with me and he doesn't want to. I ask him to take me to look at things for our invitations and it's like pulling teeth. (He's gone once or twice, but I haven't finished and he doesn't want to go look at things)
He doesn't seem to care about the venue, the invitations or anything. When he DOES give input, it's about not wanting to spend as much as I am planning on.
I DO understand the importance of saving to him, but this is our WEDDING for goodness sakes. A once in a lifetime event that should be memorable and special to BOTH of us, not just everything I like.

I think FH doesn't think that there's any rush for anything but he just doesn't UNDERSTAND that you can't plan something like this a month in advance.

*sigh* I'm just so all in knots about this.

Has anyone else had a problem like this??? How do you get your FH to be interested or excited to be part of the process???



Thanks guys.

[portoprincesa]

I think most brides know exactly what u are going through. My sister's boyfriend told me "Men only worry about the engagement part. They worry how to do it, what to say, and if u will say yes. That's enough anxiety. Men do not plan their dream wedding when they are little girls. Women seem to know exactly what u want, men well we just want to sign the cheques". My husband was great about driving me around and picking things up. Everything else in between he was lost. The only time he became excited was about our favors. We made our own wine and we labelled. For whatever reason his fascinated him. For other grooms its all about the music or food. There is something in that to do list that just by nature he must be attracted to. Its sometimes just finding what that something is.

[mizzmasterd]

Usally (not always) the things that interest the men in wedding planning, are really not the same things we women may find interesting. Point in case, like Portoprincess says, for some reason her husband was fascinated with the wine lables, although to me, its just another thing you have to do! I say you sit down and ask him what HE would want to do/be in charge of and makes a list and give deadlines. He may not want to chose the venue, your color theme...but may be psyched about the dj or food etc etc. My fiance is quite psyched about finding the venue and planning certain aspects of the wedding...but I'm sure he doesn't really care what I do with my hair, flowers,the wedding card etc (he gets that glazed eye look, where I can tell he's not really listening to me ). Its all about finding a balance with those boys - if there is anything in the slightest your fiance may be interested in, tell him its all his !!

[Izzybelle]

Hey Chuckerboo I totally understand how you're feeling!! When we first got engaged I was all excited to start planning and my FH was so uninterested. I didn't want to make all the important decisions myself so after my mom and a friend and I scouted out venues I dragged my FH to check out a couple that I liked (with the promise of lunch at his fav restuarant lol) and he hated them all except for this one on the lake that he actually got kinda excited about. The only other thing he was slightly interested in was the food...I'm pretty sure the food tasting was the highlight of wedding planning for him. When we picked tuxes he refused to shave and made ugly faces through most of the appointment. *sigh*

So basically I've done everything. I pretty much gave up trying to get him to help except to ok expensive decisions.

The weird thing is though, now that there's only two months left to go he's starting to get interested all of a sudden and last night when I told him I needed his help with a bunch of stuff he was like "no problem, what can I do?" I think alot of guys just can't get that excited about something too far away from the date...it's probably pretty hard for your FH to understand why you're thinking about invites more than a year before the wedding - they just don't understand how much fun wedding planning is!!

I don't really have any great advice, but just wanted to give you hope that he might be more interested when it gets closer to the wedding.

[cynna]

Ditto to what the others have said.

And the most peplexing, is after all of the 'sure' 'whatever' 'you decide' 'yeah that looks good' 'umm, I don't know, I'll leave it to you' comments from FH, there will be one thing that he might get all interested in and end up being stubborn on - so be prepared!

But don't worry...your guy is pretty average as far as fiance's go. Don't take it as disinterest in your marriage or wedding, they just don't seem to care as much about the detail things that we go crazy on...like how the tulle is swagged!

[Chuckerboo]

Yeah I'm beginning to see that my man is fairly normal.

Like seriously, what's up with the men?!?!?! They just don't know how much fun they're missing out on!!!

[tarack]

I think that the idea to "designate" some tasks to FH is a wonderful idea. That way, he's doing something (so you don't feel as though you're shouldering the burden on your own), but he doesn't have to follow you around as you figure out the stuff that's important to you.

It's very interesting how my FH is proving to be extremely traditional with regards to this wedding thing. He is adamant on favours that are trinkets (which I'm not a fan of - I'd prefer something edible); he wants wine labels with our pictures on them (I don't care at all); he doesn't want to see me before the ceremony (whereas I thought we could save time with pre-ceremony pictures).

It's crazy!

(However, he doesn't give a rip about bridesmaid dresses, shoes, flowers, food, or rentals. Go figure.)