
Originally Posted by
c_c_foreman
Hi all,
I got engaged a couple of months ago and now that I am back in Vancouver with my family for the holidays (I currently live in Alberta), I am starting to plan my wedding and it's not going well. I am white and my FH is Chinese (born in Canada) so we would like to incorporate some Chinese traditions into the wedding. He feels that the part of the culture that is most important for him to have in the wedding is a traditional Chinese banquet (an 8-10 course meal where each dish symbolizes good fortune, happiness, etc) as the reception.
My parents have a BIG problem with this since they never eat ethnic foods, and believe that the guests won't be able to eat the food and this will reflect badly upon THEM as poor hosts. They are very stuck on the idea that the bride's family "hosts" the wedding, and it's their day to host and not me and my FH's. Most of the guests will be either our young urban friends (who have likely eaten chinese food before), or my FH's large family who will definitely be able to eat the food. Me and my FH feel that it is OUR day to host and my parents had their own wedding day to do what they wanted, and we feel we should have the right to do our wedding the way we want. We think that if a small number of people do not wish to eat chinese food, that is their right and we should not bend over backwards trying to accommodate everyone.
I have suggested numerous ways to have a "fusion" type reception (e.g. have western food lunch with a chinese food dinner, have both foods available at the reception, etc) but the ONLY thing my parents will consider is having an entirely western wedding and reception, with a chinese banquet the next evening (of course, hosted by my FH's side of the family). My parents have not made any concessions in what they want, and the worst part is, they are not in a financial position to even host their vision of the wedding. On the other hand, me and my FH have the financial resources to put into place what WE want to do, without any help from my parents. There have been many heated discussions and my parents feel that by having Chinese food at the reception we're not considering their feelings (of course, they don't seem to care about what me and my FH want). They have even threatened at one point not to attend the wedding over this issue. There doesn't seem to be any way to make both sides happy, and worst off I can't even start looking at planning out things like a venue until this is sorted out.
What do you guys think of this situation? Am I wrong for believing that me and my FH have the right to incorporate some Chinese food into the wedding, especially if we are able to financially support our vision? Is it reasonable to assume that, in Vancouver, even the Caucasian guests will be comfortable with chinese food? Or, is a wedding a chance for the bride's family to "host" their ideal vision of the day? HELP!
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