Stress from wedding planning and many more (very unhappy bride to be right now)

[hellobird]

Hi all

I am scheduled to wed in Sept 2009 but already I can't wait till that today so that I can get it over with! It's been a stressful process to look for a ceremony place to begin with, with venue booked and then canceled on me last minute. I found a place now which cost me more then I anticipated though sounded like a wonderful place. Then I found out that a friend of my finance will be getting married one day ahead of us. We told his friends that we are planning a wedding in Sept within couple of weeks of getting engaged. I guess right now I am feeling a bit uncomfortable. I feel like my special day is taken away from me. When I heard from another friend that an acquittance is set to get married in July 2009 I was thinking: OK then I better not get married on that month then. I guess I never anticipate people getting married on the same month after we make the announcement My sister told me to let go of it and eventually I know that things will themselves away but right now I feel rotten and just have to vent it out of my system, especially since I now am fighting with my FI because of it.

****** edit quickly to add some updates... well more like non-update. Nothing really change. I still feel very sad, now I also have to deal with my mom who is upset with me. I feel really really sad. I feel like I have to please so many people and also worry about not being honoured etc. Did I ever mention that my FH's parents don't like me? I feel like I am trying too hard to please them and now my mom feels neglected and she's making it know to me. I feel that I probably have some faults too but the bottom line is I feel really sad. I guess I am more jealous that FH's friend is having such a good time planning her big day and I am the complete opposite. Just plain miserable.

[icicle]

Hellobird,

Cheer up, it is X'mas!

Your wedding will always be special to you and your family/friends no matter what! I have attended weddings in the same month and each one was still unique to me!

Securing a venue IS very frustrating. I have heard so many cases where the venue cancels a booking. I don't understand how they have the right to do that and why they need to do that! How can any bride feel secure when they can cancel a booking any minute??!!

[Sotiny]

Hello hellobird,

Trust me.. I can totally relate to how you feel about friends announce getting married after you announce your wedding date... it happened to me...

I was engaged in June and within the 2 weeks, we knew that we would be getting married on 23-Nov-2008. But then later on in July, 2 of my friends (who know one another as well) got engaged and in August, they both told me that they will be "Nov-brides"; one would get married on 22-Nov-2008 and the other one on 29-Nov-2008. Trust me... I was angry; as I was the one who get engaged first and I picked my date and announced already even before they were engaged. I was angry and thinking that they were inconsiderate; and since we have so many "comment friends" we booked all of our friends for weddings within 1 week time... people who said would help out at my wedding were asked to take part at the other 2 weddings... trust me... it was stressful. And I really hate causing inconvenience (stressing out our guests)

However, they are my friends. I vented to couple of people and noticed that each wedding is special to each bride. During each wedding, the bride will shine no matter what, and if your "guest-friends" are really close to you, they might have to pick which wedding to go to and it is totally up to people... (only that as I am Chinese, I cannot go to their weddings as they all fall in the same month) Anyhoo... we worked it out and all 3 of us had our own wonderful wedding (Although, we couldn't attend one anothers' wedding, it was ok cause we understand one anothers' feeling of being a bride). Trust me... just work it out with them. You have to try to come up with a date for your brideshower now with your bridesmaids (cause if your friend's briedeshower might fall on the same week... you want to get your date fast and lay that out with your friend).

Hope it helps.

Hi all

I am scheduled to wed in Sept 2009 but already I can't wait till that today so that I can get it over with! It's been a stressful process to look for a ceremony place to begin with, with venue booked and then canceled on me last minute. I found a place now which cost me more then I anticipated though sounded like a wonderful place. Then I found out that a friend of my finance will be getting married one day ahead of us. We told his friends that we are planning a wedding in Sept within couple of weeks of getting engaged. I guess right now I am feeling a bit uncomfortable. I feel like my special day is taken away from me. When I heard from another friend that an acquittance is set to get married in July 2009 I was thinking: OK then I better not get married on that month then. I guess I never anticipate people getting married on the same month after we make the announcement My sister told me to let go of it and eventually I know that things will themselves away but right now I feel rotten and just have to vent it out of my system, especially since I now am fighting with my FI because of it.

[hellobird]

Thanks Icicle and Sotiny for your feedback. I feel better, though I admit it still bothers me somewhat at time, because I feel that my fiance seems quite upset about this too because he feels that his other friends, particularly the one that he is very fond of, would be too busy with the other wedding and won't be able to help out in ours or even attend our wedding, and it hurts me to see that it hurts my fiance. I would have a chance to attend a birthday bash hosted by the other bride later this month for a mutual acquitance - perhaps if I talk it over with her I would have a better idea where they're coming from and stop myself from jumping to conclusions all over the place.

anyways, thanks for reading my post and letting me a chance to vent and share my feeling.

[danashih]

say if they having the wedding close to your wedding date doesn't affect the help you can get or the number of guests (how should I put this?... everyone can still come and people who said they would help out can still help), will you guys still be upset???

I really need to know this because I annouced my wedding date after my FH's niece annouced theirs, and ours is 2 weeks prior to theirs. I was worried that the bride would be upset... but really there is nothing I could do.

[Sotiny]

Hello Danashih

I hope the format of your wedding is TOTALLY different from the format of your FH's niece's wedding.

I am not her... I don't know how she feels... But being a bride in the same shoe, I can tell you that it was difficult; it almost felt like a slap in the face when I heard that my 2 other friends were having their weddings in the same month. It was not only about the number of guests and people helping out... it was also about the feeling of being special with no "comparison"... Having 2 weddings being so close that share common guests can be stressful as you cannot control your guests made any comment like "ooo... Danashih's wedding was just 2 weeks ago and they had better food" or "Danashis's wedding is more organize"... etc.

Since you cannot control how the other bride feels and what your guests might have to say... I would say communicate with the other bride with your best you can. Because you will be one BIG family after all, you don't want to get off the wrong side of one another to begin with. Talk to the other bride, ask when she is planning to have her bridal shower, ask her who will be helping at her wedding (and do not ask the same people to help at your wedding, so that they will not stress out or mess-up either of your weddings). Communicate with the other bride and try not to have the same format or colour (if that can be prevented).

For having your weddings just 2 weeks apart, is actually a very good chance for you to develop a friendship, as you will have so many common things to talk about and share the same type of stress. Check out bridesmaids dress together or something... you might be able to get great discount together. That's the approach I had after I felt that slap in the face... cause we had our own life situations and there wasn't much we could do about. And it worked, me and one of the other brides is closer now than ever. Just keep in mind that both of you will shine at your own wedding and that's all that is.

say if they having the wedding close to your wedding date doesn't affect the help you can get or the number of guests (how should I put this?... everyone can still come and people who said they would help out can still help), will you guys still be upset???

I really need to know this because I annouced my wedding date after my FH's niece annouced theirs, and ours is 2 weeks prior to theirs. I was worried that the bride would be upset... but really there is nothing I could do.

[hellobird]

Hi Danashih - i think in my case I am more sad about the silence and the lack of communication from the other party - I think we all understand that sometimes it is hard to control the dates and that sometimes only certain dates work out and they just happen to be close to on another. That I can get over with. My FH's friends choose to remain silence about their decision for nearly two months. (They know their date by mid October the latest and would have known that we want our wedding on the same month because when we broke the news to our friends we told them what month we are going to have our wedding). On the other hand as suggested, I think we will feel better if the few people that we both know are able to help out and attend our wedding banquet - this would at least make us feel that people do care. My FH's friends don't know about this yet, but our planned wedding date is one day after theirs. Maybe they will then be upset about this, I don't know. Perhaps this speak volume of how close we are to one another. In any ways, I do feel that it would be important for you reach out to the other bride to open up the communciation to set aside any ill feeling while move forward together. (Besides, yours are two weeks apart, which is far better than one day apart).

Anyways, take care and thanks for your comments.

say if they having the wedding close to your wedding date doesn't affect the help you can get or the number of guests (how should I put this?... everyone can still come and people who said they would help out can still help), will you guys still be upset???

I really need to know this because I annouced my wedding date after my FH's niece annouced theirs, and ours is 2 weeks prior to theirs. I was worried that the bride would be upset... but really there is nothing I could do.

[danashih]

Thank you for your input.
I chose this date because we want my FH's father (who lives on the East coast) to come to both weddings, since he is also my FH's nephew's grandfather. (sorry I made a typo, it's a nephew, not niece). If I have it more than a month away, it's basically asking him to choose to come to only one of the weddings. We have to get married this year 2009 because we already had a celebration banquet in june 2008 in my mother country.

I was worried about stealing other people's thunder (I may be a little too naive. Me not feeling my thunder is stolen doesn't mean she doesn't feel the same way either), but then I thought, I really cannot wait another year just because I don't want the other bride to feel that way. (me and my bf have been going out for 9 years!)

I am not close to this bride at all, and my english sucks (hehe), but about a month after the announcement, we happened to have a family and friends get-together. I told people that this way, FH's father can come to both weddings. Then to my dismay, a person said "Wow, you are so accomodating to your guest". Then I thought,"what? this is NOT any guest! This is somebody's dad AND granddad!". Then my instinct told me,"ohoh, people are raising their eyebrows at this close date." I don't know, maybe I am overthinking. I don't like it when people compare and I don't like it when people feel like they want to outdo each other. I want to have a nice wedding too, but I also keep telling myself that this is just vanity talking. I would be at a disadvantage anyways, my budget for the wedding is 13000, the other couple's budget is 50K! They are having it at van du sen garden and their photog might be 5K. I also tried chatting with the bride about the wedding planning but it's only me asking questions... don't know where to start from there.