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[lookin4ideas]

I know my wedding is only a year away & that I am ANALLY organized so I am wondering if I am the one who is wrong here.

I have 1 MOH and 2 bridesmaids. So far to date we have done the following:

• Booked the venues (ceremony & reception)
• Created the guest list
• Finished the invites (DIY)
• Booked a caterer and bar tender (still in the works but'll be done within a week)
• Booked a DJ
• Booked a Photographer (still in the works but'll be done within a week)
• Ordered a cake stand & topper - just need the cake
• Tried on dresses (for me)
• Found bridesmaid dresses
• Gift bought for the attendants
• Wedding bands bought
• Met with & booked the officiant
• Made the seating chart
• Finished buying all the decorations; guest book, card box, table numbers, vases, candles, candle holders, marbles, satin squares, aisle marker etc

One of my bridemaids lives in Alberta so I wasn't expecting any help from her (she is also pregnant and due any day now), the other 2 however live in the lower mainland and have not offered to do a single thing. (Ok I lied one of them came down to the states with my mom & I looking at dresses)

I am getting resentful - I can't decide if I am the one to blame as I have not asked for help (other than from FH) because I figure they know I am planning a wedding and they should offer or if they are being unthoughtful & selfish. I also think well maybe they think it's wayyyyy to early to be doing what I have done / am doing so that's why they've not offered.

I know I should ask for help but it's all pretty much done now basically all I need to do is find a cake (have the stand & the topper), finalize with the caterer, bartender & photographer, get my dress & fh's tux (which I am waiting on as we are both on weight watchers and down 9 and 5 lbs in 3 weeks) get my flowers (which I cannot do until the week of) and make beer & wine - ok I can ask for help on this one but I am making it at my sisters beer & wine making store so don't see needing help there either.

I am very frustrated and keep thinking of the "day of speech" I need to give and people I need to thank and I think wow wouldn't it be evil to not thank my MOH & BM's, of course I will as I was raised properly but I am so frustrated. The one BM that really gets me is I was a BM to her & did a TON of work......

End rant />

[tanya777]

HI. In my opinion it is great that you are so organized and have everyhting booked. When I first got engaged I had a year and a half to plan and I can't express how time goes by so fast. Pretty soon you will be like my gosh I have 6 months to go and boom it's here. I too am like you, actually it's scary how alike. I had things booked and basically all ready to go almost at the same time as you. I find that you need to book them or else you may miss out because that vendor could book up. As for the bridesmaids I too-same situation. I think it's sorta are fault too because we haven't asked for the help. Deep down i'm sure that if you asked your bridesmaids for help on something they'd be ther for you. I know mine would. I'm the type of person that sometimes it's better if I do it all by myself just so that I know it will get done on time and done the way I'd like. I persinally don't like saying to others, "here go get this for me, can you make this, blah blah blah. So again that's why in my case my bridesmaids aren't really helping with anything--I haven't asked them to. I do send them e-mails basically to get their opinion on something (but that's only been twice). Maybe for the next thing like making of the wine invite them all over for a "girls wine making night" This can narrow it down to how is really not willing to help. And for the speach. Hold out on those nasty thoughts that you want to say. You still have a while to go and you never know something may come up (like the wine making) and all the ladies may be there to help you.
I don't know about you but out of all my friends I am the first one to get married. So my friends have never had experience and responsibilities regarding wedding things before. Andthe big one!!!! Some o my friends wish they were the bride to be so there is a little jealousy which plays a part. After all we are girls lol. Okay I'm not sure if i helped at all. I noticed that I do have a novel going on here so i'll wrap it up. If you need opinions on anything else let me know. I'm here to help.

[beleebala]

You sound like a highly-organized and capable person. Perhaps that's the impression you give your friends. Have you hinted to your friends in any way that you need some help? Tanya's idea is good. Get them involved in something and see how they react. It could just be some misunderstanding. Don't let that ruin your friendship!

[lookin4ideas]

I won't let it ruin my friendship we are all too good of friends to let my planning get in the way. I just wonder if they are clueless or if I am to blame for not asking. It doesn't really matter as I am sure as the day gets closer I will need help and be able to bark out orders lol

[Vie]

Hi Ladies,
I am in the same situation but slightly different... I have 1 MOH and 2 bridesmaids, one of them lives in Toronto, so I do not expect much from her except get the Toronto guests organized (i.e. get their addresses, plan their travel needs, etc and she agreed, and so far delivered). My other BM is extremely helpful: she helped me with the dresses (both mine and the theirs), picked flowers, went to look for invites, basically, has always been there when i need her... My problem is my MOH... She has not done anything to help me with the wedding planning. She has not volunteered to help, and I've asked her so many times during the stages of planning (such as when we went to look for the invites or ask for stylist recommendations) and i did not get anything from her... I am beginning to think that I've picked the worng person to be my MOH... I don't want to sound like I am obligating her to help me, I just want her to take part in the planning, knowing full well that when she accepted the role, she would be expected to help out...

[lookin4ideas]

If I can give you a hand with anything let me know - I know what it feels like to be flying solo!

[K8park]

I think communication is the key. When I was MOH - I got the list of the Knot of what I was "supposed" to do, but still felt a little lost. I helped out whenever asked and said to let me know if she needed anything but she asked her other BM to go dress shopping with her, etc. I was actually a little hurt that I wasn't included in more, so I guess that was my fault for not being more vocal. I'm less shy now than I was back then.

I am like you in that I do most things on my own. However I am trying really hard to learn to delegate! I'm still fairly early in (and intimidated by how much you have done already Stacey!!) And that maybe part of the issue with your girls, if they know you well and know that you are very capable and like things done a certain way, they may be feeling inadequate or not sure what they can do to help since you have it all under control! Or maybe they are just clueless if they have never been involved in wedding planning before - I know I was surprised how much there is to it!!

I would suggest that you plan a "girl's night" or one on one with each, and have a good talk. You could say something like, "At first I was excited to get started and have worked really hard to get things done, but it's not as much fun planning alone and I'm getting tired and resentful. I'd like to include you girls more so we can make this fun again. Are you up for getting together on (date) to do (X)?" If you open the door to them in a non threatening (or accusatory) way, they may tell you why they haven't helped more or express the desire to be more involved.

It might be a good idea to get together to do something not wedding related. I think we get wrapped up in it and only want to talk weddings, and others get "wedding'd out" a lot quicker! Good thing we have each other here where one can talk weddings 24 x 7! lol

[lookin4ideas]

Hi Ladies,

Well I was talking with MOH last night & mentioned how much we had done so far. I have a few DIY ideas that I would like to try that I am going to ask for help with the only problem is right now MOH is working 6 days a week, the other bridesmaid is in school full time and works part time.

- I guess it is all boiling down to time issues as I think how can I ask someone working / in school that much to help me? Then I think well I can slow down & wait until December to ask for help (MOH will no longer be working 6 days a week and my other in town bridemaid will be on a break from school). But that is not in my nature I want to do these things now & have them done.

In writing this I see that it is me who is not being patient and that clearly I have no right to feel that no one is helping as they just don't have time to help. Perhaps I will suck my mom into helping me!

DIY Project # 1:

http://www.geocities.com/chris_breec...dbouquets.html

DIY Project # 2

http://www.marthastewart.com/page.jhtml?type=content&id=channel3540150&site=

Possible DIY Project # 3, if # 1 doesn't work out

http://www.marthastewart.com/page.jh...el3530026&site

[tanya777]

Hi. Have you e-mailed your MOH OR BMs the project links that you have showed us. I say e-mail them the projects. Basically say that you need help with these. They entitle lots of hours of work and that their help would mean a lot to you. I'd even state that you want to get these projects started ASAP so ask for them to respond right away on whether they are going to help or not. This will then let you ask your mom or whatever. Those projects will look amazing once done. I just saw pictures of a bride who had the beaded bouquets, they looked neat. I wish you all the luck in the world. To be honest and my opinion only I may think those projects may seem overwhelming to your MOH and BMs. They require such detailed work that it may scare them. But with that said I hope that they rise ot the occasion and give them a shot and try to help you out.

[K8park]

I couldn't view the first link as the site is down, but the other two are very cool! They will take time to do, but would be fun in a group (and likely very tedious on your own).

I know it isn't the same as having your "girls" but if you want to get together (since we are both in Surrey) we could at least work on our own together which would be less boring. You are much farther along than I am - I don't really know for sure what I want for decorations yet - but I'd be willing to make some for you to learn how to do it in case it is something I want to do. Of course having said that - I don't have a lot of extra time either but I still have a couple days a week that aren't all booked up.

[tanya777]

You can count me in too. It says Abbotsford as my location but i'm living in Victoria right now (during the week because of fh job) and on the weekends I rotate abbotsford to surrey house. Mostly Surrey because that's were my family is. Oh it's a crazy schedule but it works hahahaha.

[lookin4ideas]

Thank you both so much!! I will hit up my girls first and then let you know.

Tanya do you ever wake up wondering where the heck you are lol