No longer Frustrated... but.... - Vancouver Wedding Forum

Chuckerboo · 2006-03-28, 06:09 PM

Okay, so I cannot say that I am frustrated with my man's lack of invovlement in the "planning" of our wedding, because we have now come to the decision that maybe we should wait. *sigh*

The engagement isn't off, but we're not planning a wedding anymore. We have some "things" to work out first.

I know that I was part of this decision, but it is mainly because he wasn't in to ANYTHING and it was setting off alarm bells in my mind. as time went on he was so disinterested in ANYTHING to do with the wedding and was all antsy about viewing venues and even meeting with a coordinator I had arranged for us to meet with, SO it all came out over the weekend.

I'm really bummed.

I was so happy, and I know that I love him enough to work through anything that might come up through our lives, but he does not seem to be so "assured" in the power of love and our ability to work things out, and doesn't want to have a wedding until we do.

That being said, he still says "the wedding isn't off, we just don't have a date" and he seems to think that we can still get married next summer, we can just decide the month before... Ummm yeah, Doesn't exactly work that way.

My fh doesn't like to be the center of attention at ALL and the idea of a wedding is not fun for him. He doesn't like them, and I don't even think he wants to have one, which has been part of the problem. So now what? I don't want to force him into a situation where he's going to be uncomfortable and unhappy, but honestly, I have already given up so many things about myself just to do things to make him happy, do I really have to give up my dreams and fantasies of my future wedding as well?

Sorry girls, I know that this probably isn't the place to post about this, and I haven't been posting in a few days because of it, but I'm just really down. Not sure where to go, or what to do from here.

admin · 2006-03-28, 09:14 PM

Sorry to hear that. Yesterday I was asking myself where our Chuckerboo was.

Don't be too sad. Men are all (90%) like that. I think I am the most qualified to say that out of all members. Even you wait for another billion year and we will still be the same. It's in our gene, I guess.

Yes, men think that they can have a wedding at any place, any condition and anytime, as long as it does not clash with the Superbowl or something. So, stop worrying for your FH. It's your wedding and he is not going anywhere. Men are kids. If you tell him that he can buy his 50" LCD TV after the wedding, he will be more into the wedding preparation.

Sorry, if my words are not very comforting. My wife always complains that I don't contemplate her feeling and I always try to solve the problems for her. Sorry, I am a man

!

Chuckerboo · 2006-03-28, 09:29 PM

Hehehe. I appreciate the words of support.

Your comment about the 50" LCD is a good one... I think I'll use it!!

Yeah, so I took some time "off" over the weekend and the last couple days... but I'll still be around checking posts and stuff, maybe not posting as much. But Ill be around.

Thanks again.

cookie · 2006-03-28, 11:19 PM

Hey Boo,
I just felt the need to respond to your post because I had it happen to me too. Things will work themselves out. When I was engaged, I was all gung ho about wedding planning, but at the time my fh was like yours...not very interested.
It finally came to a grinding halt one afternoon when he said he wasn't ready to get married. I don't think i have ever cried so much! I thought he didn't love me and didn't want to get married at all! He assured me that it wasn't the case. It was awful...I thought we were going to break up over it.
Patience...that's all I can say. It took a while...but 3 years after we got engaged, we finally got married. At that point we were together for 5 years. We are celebrating are 13th anniversary this year! (8 years married)

I know I must sound like an old fart, but it's practically the same situation.
I hope I helped.

mizzmasterd · 2006-03-29, 08:42 PM

Aww, chuckerboo - this is the place where you can post anything - don't think twice. I think its a good idea that you guys are talking about all this before the wedding rather than after...many ppl don't deal with issues until after the fact. I'm sure everything will work out. I actually postponed my wedding to next year (it was supposed to be this year) - and it had nothing to do with FH - but I just needed to finish school and focus on my career goals. FH was very undertanding, but Im sure it was a bit disappointing. If your FH is a bit nervous to be center of attn, tell him that you're going to look so good, that nobody will have time to notice him

J/k

Everything happens for a reason - so cheer up! I like the idea of the LCD screen too. Men - the things you have to do to keep them happy!

Chuckerboo · 2006-03-29, 09:01 PM

Hehehe I think a lot of us could benefit from using the LCD screen idea.

Yeah.. fh will eventually get used to the idea and we're going to take a little bit of time to just focus on "us" and learn some communication skills etc.

It will be better in the long run. I'm feeling more positive about it today. Some days are just dissapointing. Ya know?

planningtime · 2006-04-01, 07:35 AM

((( Hugs )))

Everything happens for a reason, right?? Glad to hear that you are more positive about it, I am sure that you will work this out and then you will probably feel as though your relationship is stronger than ever. My thoughts are with you as you go through this tough time

goodtoglow · 2006-04-01, 10:33 AM

I think its a good idea that you guys are talking about all this before the wedding rather than after...many ppl don't deal with issues until after the fact. I'm sure everything will work out.

I agree with this very much!!! Just spend time working on your communication issues, maybe do some counselling (FH and I have and I think it is very healthy!) and just have faith!!

Chuckerboo · 2006-04-02, 11:05 AM

Thanks ladies! It is good to have some support and feedback. It's rough at times, but like they say, anything worth doing is hard right?

mizzmasterd · 2006-04-02, 07:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chuckerboo

It's rough at times, but like they say, anything worth doing is hard right?

RIGHT

Beautiful · 2006-04-02, 07:42 PM

Quote:

It's rough at times, but like they say, anything worth doing is hard right?

Yup, my fh and I know that well.

We were just friends first, I truly disliked him never wanted to marry him... Now look where I am. If its worth doing or being with a person, it will be hard but worth it. Marriage/love is something worth fighting for.

Chuckerboo · 2006-04-02, 09:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beautiful

If its worth doing or being with a person, it will be hard but worth it. Marriage/love is something worth fighting for.

I totally believe in this. FH is a bit more of a pessimist, but I'll turn him around.

snagglepuss · 2006-04-26, 09:00 AM

I am sorry that the wedding is on hold. My FH was like that in the beginning to. He asked me to marry him... I said yes and since we had been dating for so long (7.5 years), I thought we could get married ASAP... I guess he didn't think so. About a month after the engagement I bought a wedding planning book from Chapters.... He got really mad. It was weird because he is the one that asked to marry me. Everytime I came to him asking about a date, he would just say.... later, but not now. I was really getting worried... So finally about 4 months after the engagement, we decided to get married 1.5 years later and set the date. He was ok with it since it was 1.5years away. NOW IT IS ONE MONTH AWAY!!! and he is so excited... I think that guys get scared sometimes because things go to fast. Can you imagine how nervious he must have been to ask you to marry him? I think that all men need a little time to recover! lol.... I hope it works out for you, but honestly, I needed that year and a half to plan everything.... It worked out well...

Good luck... It will all work out

Chuckerboo · 2006-04-26, 08:09 PM

Hey thanks snagglepuss. I'm ok with things being on hold for a while now. And your'e right, I think he does feel like things go really fast and so I'm just giving hime some time. It all works out in the long run!

beleebala · 2006-04-29, 10:52 AM

I think it might actually be a good thing not to rush into marriage. It gives both parties some time to really think things through. I think many people get divorced soon after marriage because they follow only their hearts but not their brains.

I have a few friends who had long-term committed relationships (more than 7 years) prior to marriage but once married, broke up within 2 years! Oops, I shouldn't be saying such things on a wedding forum!

Wish everyone lives happily ever after!