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[platinumcheetah]

Ok...here's the story...

My best friend is one of my MOH's in the wedding, theres only her and my sister standing beside me during the wedding but now I am not sure if she will show...Here's why:

My friend has always had this "I am always right" attitude but it has never affected our relationship(been friends for 8 years now) because we've never got into a fight...not even an arguement. I see the way she treated others but I just did not say anything because I did not want it to affect out relationship.

Well.....here's info adding up to the big blow out...

She promised to help with everything to do with the wedding but she has not helped at all except go dress shopping with me once, I even went out and bought her dress on my own because I could not get a hold of her. Every time I ask her to help with the wedding she promises she will be there and then on the day she cancels.

Finally about 3 weeks ago I am talking to her and she says "ooo...is your wedding on a friday", I said yes and told her she has known this for about 8 months now,.....then she proceeds to tell me her BF probably cannot show because he is working and cant get it off(i know he has not tried).

I told her that her ans her BF has known for months and if he cannot make it I need a confirmation ASAP because then I need to invite some family members(this is a very small wedding with on max 20 guests...i was leaving people out to invite him, who i am not close too at all).

I waited 2 weeks and she did not confirm...and I asked her a couple of times during those weeks.

Last week my house was broken into and I called her in distress because I was really upset....out of all my troubles I asked how her BF's mom was because she was mugged the weekend before...and she snaps at me and tells me
"I dont know how she is"...me and BF are not talking....I asked her whats wrong and she would not tell me.

So i change the subject and start talking about the wedding to get my mind of the break in...and then at the end I explain to her that its now less then 2 weeks to the wedding and I need the confirmation that her BF is coming...and she is probably not...but dont count him out yet. I explained yet again that I cannot leave it any longer and if he cannot confirm then I am just going to invite the family members that I have already hurt by not inviting....(long story).

She gets pissed off and says "I dont want to be a *****, but I dont want to talk about it right now".... by then i was furious and hung up on her.

The next day she messages me and says "we need to talk but not right now, later"...again this is on her time....i got mad and said that we need to talk about her attitude towards me ...but I had alot to deal with about the break in I did not need to deal with it now...

She kept sending me rude messeges about how I need to grow up and I did not even care to ask about why her and BF are not talking....Is she crazy?? I did ask her...

Errr....now its been over a week and she has not called or text messeged me...

I don't know what to do...I know she is just pulling the "i am always right card"...and will not apologize for treating me like crap..

The wedding is in 9 days and I dont know what to do....Should I just count her out? or should I call her?

I have absolutely no time to deal with her bull..

What do I do? please some advice would help!

[mrsmacdonald]

Hey I am so sorry to hear what you are going through!!!!! Especially with the wedding so close, I would call her because the last thing you want to do is count her out and then have both her and her BF show on the day of... I understand about having no deal (believe me I understand!!!) but on the other hand you definately do not want this stress on the day of if they do show and make a scene....JMO
If I don't talk to you again before then have a great wedding!!!Don't let anyone ruin any part of this for you, we worked so hard and now it's our time!!!

[admin]

mrsdonald is right, don't let other people ruin your wedding!

I would like to do this to your MOH!

[Chuckerboo]

Wow.. that is truly a stressful story. and with the breakin even moreso! You poor thing!!!!!



I think you need to call her and just let her know how you are feeling. Perhaps start off by saying how you value her friendship and that after 8 years you would hope that a stressful situation wouldn't ruin it.

Let her know that you would like for her and her BF to make it to the wedding, but if they cannot confirm for you at that time, then you will be making the very hard decision of inviting a family member who you had been holding back on inviting in order to have them there.

I'm sure no matter what you say to her, from the sounds of it she's going to be a little bit difficult. Just brace yourself before the call... and do "ala Martin Lawrence" in badboys.... "Woooosahhhhhh" "Wooooosahhhhhhhhhh" "Woooooooooooossaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh"

*HUGS* I hope everything works out for you so that you don't have any more stress!!!!

[platinumcheetah]

Thanks for the advice and support.

I made a call to her last night but she did not answer the phone(but thats normal), Here's the jist of the message I left:

"Hey ____, I am not quite sure what is going on between us or what happened last week, We never fight or even argue. I am making the first call after a week because I want you know know.... I know we both have alot going on in our lives right now and is equally important and we need to deal with those things idividually. I don't think we each have enough emotional power to deal with each other's worries or problems and thats why I think this happened. I am taking resposibility for whatever I said but you need to take care of yourself though. I am not able to give you what you want right now, I cannot deal with anyone elses problems but my own but if you want to talk about what happened last week we can sit down after the wedding and figure things out.

I would really love it if you would still come to the wedding and would love it if you would stand with me that day, but I understand if it is too much for you right now. It would mean a lot to me if you were there though.

I am having a wedding party get together on monday evening and would really like you to be there. You can call me when you get this message or just show up on monday, but If you do not do either I will understand and know you are not coming to the wedding.

If that is the case we will get together when I get back from my trip and figure things out.

Talk to you soon"

Now.....I play the waiting game...I will update on monday if she calls or comes.

[sunshinebride]

I can't believe she's doing this to you just days before your wedding! I mean at the very least she should return your phone calls to discuss the situation. Being your MOH is and honour but she's certainly not treating it that way. Do you think she has some jealousy issues? That could explain her behavior especially if she's having problems with her BF. I really hope she returns your call and that you can work it out. Otherwise I guess you'll have to wait until Monday to see if she shows up to your get together. If not I guess it's safe to assume she won't be coming to your wedding. Regardless of her problems with her BF I really think she should push those things aside and be there for you on one of the most important days of your life.

Keep us posted. I really hope she comes through for you.

[platinumcheetah]

So she has not called yet and I left the message on wednesday and its now late friday night. Ah well....if she really does not want to be there I am not going to sweat it...she will regret it in the end. But I will make sure I do not ruin the day.

[mindylwk2]

Oh hun i am so srry it had to be like this. I feel really bad for you. I hope she does call you. But she sounds like she isn't going to go and maybe is she does go watch she will maybe call you the day before your wedding.Don't let her or anyone push you around. Mindy

[mizzmasterd]

Hopefully she will show up on monday - she shouldn't be so small about such things. I think the msg you left was absolutely perfect - it wasn't harsh, but it got the point across that she has to let you know what is going on. It was very respectible of you and hopefully she will be a good friend when YOU need her and respond/show up. Please keep us posted. *hugs*

[cynna]

Originally Posted by platinumcheetah

...she snaps at me and tells me
"I dont know how she is"...me and BF are not talking....I asked her whats wrong and she would not tell me.

...and then at the end I explain to her that its now less then 2 weeks to the wedding and I need the confirmation that her BF is coming...and she says probably not...but dont count him out yet. I explained yet again...

She gets pissed off and says "I dont want to be a *****, but I dont want to talk about it right now".... by then i was furious and hung up on her.

The next day she messages me and says "we need to talk but not right now, later"...!

From what I get from your post, it sounds like they had an awful argument, and there might be something huge going on.

In that situation she'd be in pain, and maybe really worried about things. Love pain is hard. To then be talking with your best friend about her wedding would be even harder.

I think she told you several times that she couldn't talk about this right now. Remember, as a bride your entire thought process is on your wedding - there's a reason we are called 'bridezillas', as our wedding things become insanely inwardly focussed at times.

I know you were waiting from before to find out about his coming to the wedding, but maybe there's something more going on there with him. Give her the benefit of the doubt here, and realize that you're not exactly there for her right now - understandable with your wedding so close, but do give her a break. She still has life things to deal with.

I would just gently say to her look, I don't know what's happening with you both and I'll be here for you, but right now I have to have this wedding thing settled. Since your bf can't confirm being able to come, I'm inviting my uncle instead.

Leave it at that, and remember that our emotions all run a little high at times. Especially with a week to go before your wedding (yay, how exciting! ) Let go of your anger and concentrate on your friendship with her instead. Don't even mention the bf unless she does.

And most of all, enjoy the last bits of planning before the day with your husband. Get plenty of sleep and avoid all the stress you can.

[platinumcheetah]

Originally Posted by cynna

From what I get from your post, it sounds like they had an awful argument, and there might be something huge going on.

In that situation she'd be in pain, and maybe really worried about things. Love pain is hard. To then be talking with your best friend about her wedding would be even harder.

I think she told you several times that she couldn't talk about this right now. Remember, as a bride your entire thought process is on your wedding - there's a reason we are called 'bridezillas', as our wedding things become insanely inwardly focussed at times.

I know you were waiting from before to find out about his coming to the wedding, but maybe there's something more going on there with him. Give her the benefit of the doubt here, and realize that you're not exactly there for her right now - understandable with your wedding so close, but do give her a break. She still has life things to deal with.

I would just gently say to her look, I don't know what's happening with you both and I'll be here for you, but right now I have to have this wedding thing settled. Since your bf can't confirm being able to come, I'm inviting my uncle instead.

Leave it at that, and remember that our emotions all run a little high at times. Especially with a week to go before your wedding (yay, how exciting! ) Let go of your anger and concentrate on your friendship with her instead. Don't even mention the bf unless she does.

And most of all, enjoy the last bits of planning before the day with your husband. Get plenty of sleep and avoid all the stress you can.

I am just wondering if you read my post about the message I left for her?

In the message I acknowledged her issues but also explained that I cannot deal....as well as I know she probably cannot deal with mine...

Anyways I think I have got all the support I need on this issue.

Thanks so much!